A Womans Delirium

A Woman s Delirium
By Mahmoud Said Kawash

"With Lovers, the Impossible is Permissible"
Those were moments when the world spun around me completely,
And I swayed with pride, my steps faltering,
With spring, my thoughts sighed,
And my mind wandered, intoxicated by the suppression of tears.
Those were moments when I recited the verses of our love with torrents of sighs,
I strutted with coquetry as if my imagination were a dream, swaying with wandering desires,
And images of beauty, with the sweetest features, flooded my mind.
Those were moments when you met me with the truest and most radiant smiles,
You overwhelmed me with the most tender and refined glances,
You drowned me with the gentlest and most fragrant tears,
And you whispered in my ear the warmest And the gentlest whispers
All of this happened at once after a long thirst and a flood of burning desire, and the bitterness of longing and a tempestuous yearning, so everything within me called feminine stirred and began to creep through my limbs like a creature that walks on four legs and much more!!
At that moment, you imagined me as that beautiful woman, swaying gracefully in her sheer purple gown, watching you with confusion and bewilderment, her cheeks like the rest of the sunset melting into the horizon.
You gazed at her in awe, your mind filled with unspoken thoughts. Your gaze ignited all my feelings, reviving what had died and awakening what had slumbered, fallen into a coma,´-or-lain in a deep ---sleep--- for so long.
At that moment, everything seemed to defy me, planting within me a desire I had never felt before, a desire that would sometimes surge and sometimes subside, vanishing between my imagination and reality.
Your breath pursued me in every -dir-ection, in all that was visible and hidden.
Your words touched a part of me, dazzling and arousing me completely, stirring my madness, embracing me with tenderness, gentleness, and affection, and immersing me in an ecstasy I cannot describe now.
At that moment, I touched everything my hand fell upon and everything my gaze fell upon, and I embraced and kissed. And I shared with you every detail, big and small, in perfect harmony and a wonderful, unplanned rhythm.
At that moment, everything about you and from you embraced the beats of my heart and played upon its core the melody of "forbidden love," which swept over me unexpectedly, something I hadn t even considered for a moment.
That love which had always been an impossible goal, became with you a possible and easily attainable reality.
Tell me, you, how did you invade me so suddenly and unexpectedly...how?!
How did you penetrate my peace and tranquility without warning´-or-permission...how?!
And how did you sail upon my sea despite the ebb and flow and all those stormy waves...how?!
I beg you, tell me how you plunged so deep into my very being...how?!
Tell me, you, how did you manage to reach me...how, how, how?!
Tell me, who guided you to my path to break my solitude, which had stretched on and on and on!
How beautiful it was to feel as you whispered those warm, unattainable, poetic words in my ear.
And how beautiful was the jealousy that seized me, which I quickly suppressed within my heart, letting it do its work. From the moment it pierced my ribs, it remained like a fire beneath the ashes, clinging to me like a silent shadow, never leaving me for a single moment.
No, no, no, it clung to me like the pulse of my heart, dancing to the music of its strings, the beat of drums upon its core. It clung to me like this, and more, and more, much, much more.
I felt as though I were diving into your chest, searching for something,´-or-perhaps nothing, drowning in something,´-or-perhaps nothing.
I felt as though I were searching and searching and searching, and I felt as though I were drowning and drowning and drowning.
I felt and felt and felt, but what I remember, what I will never forget, is that I was stealing glances at you, seeing nothing but what I felt, what stirred within my heart in those dreamy moments.
I felt and felt and felt, but what I remember, what I will never forget, I forget that you and I were alone there, and that we lived moments unlike any other.
Moments unlike any other.
Oh, what moments!
Will they ever be repeated, two, three,´-or-four times over?
Perhaps yes, perhaps no!
Most likely not, because what is beautiful, special, and exquisitely pleasing rarely repeats itself.
Indeed, it is impossible for it to be repeated.
Impossible because it is the very definition of impossibility.
Yes, it is impossible.
But it is the impossibility that becomes permissible with loved ones, as my friend, the poet Rashid Al-Jishi, used to say:
"With loved ones, the impossible is permissible... Do not assume I am saying the impossible.
And honey tastes sweetest in small quantities... And longing, however intense, is satisfied by a little".

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