HALLUCINATIONS OF A WOMAN IN LOVE

HALLUCINATIONS OF A WOMAN IN LOVE
By Mahmoud Said Kawash

I saw him disappear from me, deliberately bleeding his ink,
To retreat into silence.
He used to live my lines as a suicide,
His letters ascending to the same gallows every day,
To commit the same sin of surrendering to my fate,
To return, a suicide once more,
Departing with lost lines,
Etching fleeting dreams,
Because he knows the end
Mere worn-out papers,
Weary from wandering through the geography of the land of love,
Inhabiting labyrinths of dark caves,
And every anchorage was a terrain of apathy and mountains of selfishness,
Rocks that trace all its shores,
And sails of hearts adrift beyond the boundaries of their pulse.
I read my alienation with my own eyes,
My pen speaks it as rain poured by the clouds of my thoughts,
Meeting within the folds of a cloud of tears. My fire
Spills forth from the nozzle of my inkwell
How heavy I am...
Even my tears carry my pain
All reflected on the mirror of a city... Carrying my soul
Pain that shattered my sorrowful mirror... Small mirrors
Each one holds a part that engraves me
Lost among them, I cannot find myself
Curtains of blackness enfold me, mourning feelings that once were...
And suicidal heartbeats on the walls of desolate caves
Judgment that my body must depart from me
Ah, the pain of my shadow s reflection
How you have tormented me
And how you have left me alone
A stranger among myself, I live in my homeland... My identity is exiled
Is this not enough for you... to leave me?
Is my farewell not enough for you... to bid me goodbye?
I have lost My appetite for devouring my sorrows alone
I promise you, my pen, that I will make my palms havens of life for you
And you will never again sail among the meanings of deceit
Come, let us dwell on islands of lines that do not swallow mines of humanity
You have borne for me the unbearable ink of blood that writes me
You resisted and endured until I ended
And now it is time for me to carry you with what is in you... of me
Come, let us write together the letters of the end
So my pen smiled
Yes, the end

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