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Divorced women, Ostracized by community when they chose freedom

Ghassan Alazzawi
right_sound49@yahoo.com
2014 / 5 / 16

Press investigation


There are a hidden stories different from which appear in front of the public, Our puritanical community gives some people the green light to manipulate the fate of others and forces the most to turn a blind eye and remain silent about the insulted´-or-assaulted...
even assault were without weapon the tongue is weapon with edged . The issue has changed the fates of many of the chaste women after they tried to repair the other half of them but failed, then became outcasts in our community because they chose to break away from pairs who may have been incompetent socially and did not dream of a stable and peaceful life based on love and mutual respect so they were not eligible for a perfect married life .
especially partner does not understand´-or-do not accept the opinion of wife´-or-perhaps realizes his mistakes but he refuses the recognize and he needs help but refuses the help of his wife even she was a perfect human because of the wrong translation to this help feeling that is Mockery and aggressive to be a reaction unexpected at all, the wife separates after her despair of the husband (a patience-limit-ed) then called divorced so divorce is choice of spouse to separation from the partner under any reason, even without a big problem because the human have the freedom of choice with who living his life , also the married life like quasi-eternal which accompanies human until death therefore the choice must be right,
the right choice for this important period in the life of any person ,We discussed in previous investigations to divorce rates that exceeded the expected, which led to the secession of many couples for their wives, but we did not mention the details and reasons for divorce cases that destroyed nests which not stable and the kind of volatility is by the different Circumstances,
In most divorce cases the woman is guilty even she was the victim, They also scorn her and she shunned because she asked for her right of freedom and opted for separation from the mistaker man , she guilty even if the husband beats her, inhuman , ignorant in mind , (escape from the tough community) forced many women to tolerate wrongs of their pairs and stay silent for the crimes on their right and the types of bullying physical and psychological,, these men which Practices taunting against their wives can not called pairs they are far away from the marriage`s pureness and whiteness. even we were men that`s not means we do not feel the Women suffering than this closed community , must all takes their rights such they want without differentiation according to gender´-or-colour´-or-religion.


The reality on the ground

the main reason of problems that occur between husband and wife is living conditions and details of the multi-particularly with the widespread unemployment and destitution like the housing crisis and other things that afflicting a large segment of our people, especially young men who see them every day in the streets of the workers that are packed with them since the early morning hours also they follow cars by scrambling to working for day´-or-two days and the main goal to secure a living needed to their children, these hours spent in work at the buildings under construction leads to big psychological pressure the -dir-ect to the factor pair at long working hours and the muscular effort which make him tired most the time .
The screams of the employer and the sounds of heavy equipment most the day and as a result of all these pressures, human being exhausted physically edgy psychologically then the wife become victim and the tool to absorb the reaction of all these pressures and the subsequent anger and other consequences as it is expected , husband thinks the wife and children are they reason that leads him to endure all this fatigue and exhaustion also suffering work searching , the biggest Calamity on the pair the family needs to daily expenses and a steady income to secure food, rent and other materials needed by the family. Therefore, the pair are forced to pours anger on his wife, whereupon the problems start between them , day after another multiply these problems to be the reason for a lot of troubles then separation between the couple. The last years after the 2003 war aggravated cases of divorce , for reasons we have mentioned in the past lines mainly cost of living secondary other things like treason films and be affected with it , Stories and dramas that incites marital infidelity, divorce by using method immoral in romantic relationships including also wrong using for communication devices such as mobile phones and the Internet, which publishes and send clips and pictures of sexual parts while stimulate the sexual organs to commit the sins of all kinds and this one of these reasons leads to treason then divorce, Which is the basis for most of separation cases of many couples.


Chatter lady sometimes

East community in general does not give any respect for chatter woman and there are some of women forced their husbands to beat them (this is worst)´-or-abuse them in any way, not all of separated from her husband on right.
some of women stays to do things irritate their husbands as visiting neighbors without tell the pair´-or-wasteful much money without caring for husband`s tiredness when he get these money also to standing with their sons when they made a mistake and etc. ...
so the husband is forced to stopping this kind of insubordination against a head of the family, who is the decision-maker and family s responsible . Unfortunately, if pair closed his eyes about these actions once´-or-twice the wife will be used on this.
the family head will lose his respect and be disdain for others, and because she is meddlesome will affect on her family members mainly over her husband and her children for that is the fact which some of people mentioned it when preparing investigative reporting by their daily stories, through their social experiences that contained troubles by many of wives.




Two divorced at one house

one of the divorced ladies told us her story which began with her pair more than twenty years, while the economic siege intensified on Iraq in 1991, because she have a divorced sister, tolerating types of verbal abuse, beatings and insults from her pair, who was not respect his wife and spending his days out at leaving her in her brother s house with two children, He does not have a price for a box of cigarettes which was smoking. Says (S. M), "I am saw types of abuse from my pair , He was beat and reviles my parents by verbally abuse, I was did not helpless cause i am a brave woman but must be patient" continues "when I ask him to work´-or-bring sustenance us, He was become angry a lot and threaten me that divorce me, Passed nights and slept without dinner and my children crying of hunger midnight, He used to leave us without caring and sometimes was the wife of my brother, feed the children and bring me dinner because she have been heard their crying because she was a good woman , more than once she threatened my pair of legally punishment for his neglect and irresponsibility, That s made him leave the subject of divorce because he threw our responsibility over her in spite were a house rented but she helps us and pay the bills alone,She kind woman and soft hearted, She works as a fare daily but endured my responsibility with the children, When i meet my pair last meeting he threatened me of divorce repeated " I will put you beside your divorced sister " I afraid about the reputation of my family two divorced in one house means that dys-function- in my family , Many days passed but i did not forgat the cruelty of my pair, Family s reputation more important in our community, I tolerate this violence against me to keep my family dignity ,So the divorced it is big word here and means much ..


Ridiculing during prayer

Says (Shaima Abdul Razak), an employee "I am suffering always inside me, I feel a strange sense around me , I have been divorced for two years ago then I m having a crisis of psychological When walking down the street, for example, feel that the people speak about me when they looks at to me one of them , I feel they accusing me that I am not polite , therefore no longer I put my make-up and I wear the black robe like older women often and although I wear the head dress but i blushing of myself cause i am divorced , my community ruthless and divorced woman always the guilty without reason even she was the victim , Even were the exposures of the violation , Many of brave women separated themselves from the minus intellectually man, professionally and socially, "and when we asked her about the reason for the separation, she said: " My ex-husband worked driver, He was in ongoing relationships with women most of whom are prostitutes ,He used to connects them by phone for late time of night and He sure i am know what is happening but does not care to me, the treason relationships blinded his eyes to his family.
Treason became his interests so that the class reached him that mocks me during my prayers and mimics my movements bowing and prostrating and while tell him enough -dir-ects me insults of all kinds, and when I got to the point zero hope of repair him decided to make case of separation as lawsuit against him and left all financial rights in order finished nightmare " Now what is your social status,we asked her ? " my family cultured they are excellent no longer there annoyances I live with my mother and my brother, Crown all due respect and affection at house, but I suffering of psychological crisis from the word of a (divorced ), Now sense of myself a strange sense .




Treason by internet

In court and during our foot-print- with Judge (Zainab Mohammed) interested civil affairs remind the case may be surprising. It is there that lady claimed to marital separation after discovering her husband s infidelity. Treason became one of the natural things in our community by any party man´-or-woman , including many Cases of abnormal psychology and other immoral. But when the treason be satellite there stranger , Stated in the minutes of the proceedings "that the wife noticed the isolation of her husband from house in a separate room and saved things of differents while approaching him one of his children get angry and scream and threw him out of that room then close the door for hours the situation continued for months until one child woke up midnight and Awakened his mother to see that her head of family forgot to close the door, naked completely in front of a computer and interview a woman gives him the same scene, Then asked to divorce of her husband, despite their correlation with three children also he reached the forty years old .


Divorced´-or-widowed

Because of we took issue with more interest for it`s importance also do justice in our community we faithful with equality , we asked more than a man and a young men about their vision for a divorced woman to be considered a questionnaire modest to realize the truth for which saying and what is happening,
We asked Whichever you choose widowed´-or-divorced wife ? Mostly has answered "widow" and some of them said, "divorced´-or-widowed," not difference between them. On the reason for choosing the widow one of them, said " the widow is a woman who lost her husband despite may they were in harmony´-or-love destiny were stronger the leave her alone without a husband but divorced was at odds with her partner and separated from him for reasons so may be these reasons defect in wife the same ".
Actually there are many divorced for different reasons, Including (Virilism and disobeying the husband) and also (naivety wife) which means that there is a class of women covet an other man except who between her arms as a pair which it considered one of the reasons to some men to divorce their wives , Also causes (excessive money) indifference for the pair`s tiredness this is what confirmed many of husbands ,Some of wife denies this and considers it as a cover on his style of violent and non-logical so economic problems are the biggest reason in a lot of cases of separation between spouses.


No force in marriage

God says in holy Quran ( If they chose separation of each another God will compensate them with better ) The divorce is Hateful but Allowable in Islam not force in love and marriage , Some extremist persons try to change this peaceful rules and try to put violence against other s rights by law the separation is worst between the couple, they try repairing between them if they failed will register separation s complaint.
If there is not a suitable option for compatibility, a solution for the couple did not go together for good reasons, but what is happening today in the courts is the dilemma of a major community just to imitate what broadcast television screens and what the phone s random calls linking with a fake promises and words devoid of any credibility to be the relationship phantom between two persons had not seen each other just on phone voice and this is losing time and deceives themselves so this man distributes the phone number of the woman he is talking to her for other men to exposing her and abuses her reputation.
deceived false promises to each an other who looks for fun and manipulation the scandals and other methods of moral decay ,The programs that supports divorcing its various forms become many and lack of control and authority is interested in this regard encouraged to continue to prepare such factors to stimulate the woman filed for divorce, especially for trivial things after the divorce became faultless nor cons.
Iraqi community and reached the highest divorce in 2009 after that it were very little pre-2003 the years between these two years is the period of the growth for this phenomenon that threatens future next generations.

And that more striking that a large number of divorce cases are among young`s couple have not attained the twenties While afflicting a large segment of citizens of significant shortfall in money makes them to divorcing their wives and leave their children and escape from the responsibility , Large percentage of those who dominated their needs for money on them and pushed them to separation of their partner , So the employees ladies who asks to divorce be stronger with their salaries many of them leave their pairs and stay reminds most the time that she source of food to house ( salary owner lady ) not all but some of them.
As for the men, while he get amount of money became threatened his wife (divorce you and marry someone else) especially in arabs countries , This is which destroyed many of the Iraqi Houses and scatters its members.
And divorce in Iraq has became easier than drinking a glass of water because of circumstances, Here must take into account the subject because it comes at a time the reluctance of many young people for marriage, Circumstances of homeland disrupt laws because of badness security situation on a daily , Attention and focus is a requirement for prompt for President of republic and Parliament also the Ministries of Justice The Labour and Social Affairs , We need the establishment of a role for the reform of family cares about the couple and resolving marital disputes so the role of the social worker today almost non-existent, unlike lawyers and lawyers who witness practical activity is excellent because of the high incidence of divorce is not a solution to the issue only studied well and the various aspects of the enactment of a special law in conjunction couple and reduce separation points by professors specialists in this regard, if the situation stay on this in the next ten years we will lose our generations also lose our homeland future .




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