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How to help the child after divorce

Marwan Hayel Abdulmoula
sanaquds@yahoo.com
2013 / 6 / 22

Children who have experienced parental divorce , maybe they will have problems with the device own family life , and about how he will behave in relation to the opposite sex, and that will tell the child about his fatherŽ-or-mother after divorce , Many parents hope that the child will take the situation calmly, In fact all the children suffer of divorce for parents it is absolutely normal , Some of the children s can show their feelings , others suffer but do not show it , others not suffer absolutely in especially when the children s hope the divorce is real solution to finish the long problems between parents in family .
usually Children respond to divorce confusion and fear , because they are feeling helpless and fury on what feel abandoned and It is known that the divorce of parents in a child life - is the most important adverse event, traumatic experience, leading to shock and fear , All these reactions are absolutely normal, and just need to ----restore---- sanity , First of all, the child should be free from guilt , Parents can do this only by the fact that they would take the responsibility ,Worst of all, when a child is in a situation of divorce and becomes involved in a conflict , take it to support one of the parties , If the process takes place peacefully, it can even affect positively for children.
children after the divorce of their parents feeling strong desire for autonomy , The girl, who lives with his father, can get used to the male pattern of behavior and losing femininity , Because the father is usually less controls and punishes teen, he becomes more independent, but weaker tied to the house , A boy how raised by his mother, will weakly marked masculine start , he is depends on the others, non-aggressive and not sure in relationships with peers ,and his Mother tries to be aware of all his affairs, in his company and life , overprotection, petty controls in order to bind teen to herself completely strip his independence .
after divorce important not deprive a teenager being able to communicate with both halves of the former family , Whatever them relationship after a divorce tries not to make the kid witness their quarrels , psychology of children when parents divorce should occupy an important part of their attention .
first of all parents to help child, they must first help themselves , Indeed it is very hard to survive and admit its failure in creating a family and Honestly tell the child that between Mom and Dad are all wrong, as it was before and help child in his personal life in just 6 ways very important for him after divorce --;--
1- . The question: "And where is dad / mom?" / children are sure to be asking such questions. It is important to correctly answer such questions So as not to harm the delicate psyche of the child. tell the child the truth , Do not lie ,The only negative is that when a child grows up and finds out the truth, He will not be able to forgive you of lying. Suffice it to say, "Dad / Mom lives in another place".
2- Talk about former / her well-or-nothing -- it does not matter if hurt you from former / the husbandŽ-or-wife do not speak badly about the other parent His child will still love no matter what , It is better to say, for example: "Dad was gone. We will not be together anymore , But I will always be grateful to your( father/mother) for what" I have you.The true cause of divorce, child not need to know , When a child turns 14, he will be able to form their own relationship to the divorce of parents . and he will be grateful you for the fact that you found the strength to do not talk bad about person close to him .
3- Discuss the problem with a psychologist, not with child / Many parents are constantly asking the children advice , loading them their problems, This is a big mistake, because the child:
. Not adult
. not your psychologist
. he is suffering and he has own life.
4- Do not punish child / If a kid shows aggression to you (It is your fault he gone) do not punish your child for it , Do not forget the child s thinking too specific, he has little knowledge , In addition children are very emotional and in a fit of emotion he can say anything he wants.
5. Tell honestly / If parents are divorced, they can not avoid the trauma child , and can not be , But you can reduce the level of Stress and psychological problems , It is important to be candid but cautious. Do not forget the child - it is not adult
6- He needs to feel the love and care from parents side as ever even after divorce / child should feel that can appeal to a remote father / mother at any time suitable for him .

The child is learning very much in the family Including the ability to overcome the critical situation. From how you will be able to survive a divorce situation, it will lose and will gain , usually the children after divorce will struggle with everyday challenges , It is therefore important for the child your relationship with a former spouse after divorce , teach him relax and Willpower to be able to find common ground and solutions even in very complex issues.




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